Just Listen

July 27, 2009
Goulston (Get Out of Your Own Way at Work
) returns with a primer on dealing with hard-to-reach people in virtually every scenario—defiant executives, angry employees, families in turmoil, warring couples—through use of well-honed psychological techniques. Negotiating intractable situations is like driving up a steep hill, he posits, but most of us make the mistake of creating more resistance by shifting up; “downshift, and you get control,” he writes. His “Persuasion Cycle” filters illustrative snippets from counseling sessions during which he digs into an impressive bag of tricks—“Magic Paradox,” “Impossibility Question,” “Empathy Jolt”—techniques “like martial arts moves: potent on their own, but even more powerful when you combine them.” His successful persuasion case studies include negotiating a police standoff and assisting a married couple's conflict resolution. Chapter summaries feature action steps preparing readers to encounter similar scenarios, yielding a guide that is as entertaining as it is useful.

Starred review from July 15, 2009
Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and FBI hostage-negotiation trainer, Goulston provides brilliant yet doable techniques for getting through to others. His approach boils down to a modernized version of eminent therapist Carl Rogers's client-centered therapy owing to its point that people need to be "felt"; clarifying questions and statements faciliate achieving just that. His advice on recognizing and steering clear of toxic people is on target. This book transcends the self-help category by promoting real communication.

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