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(Not that You Asked)

Rants, Exploits, and Obsessions

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available
How does Steve Almond get himself into so much trouble? Could it be his incessant moralizing? His generally poor posture? The fact that he was raised by a pack of wolves? Frankly, we haven’t got a clue. What we do know is that Almond has a knack for converting his dustups into essays that are both funny and furious. In (Not that You Asked), he squares off against Sean Hannity on national TV, nearly gets arrested for stealing “Sta-Hard” gel from his local pharmacy, and winds up in Boston, where he quickly enrages the entire population of the Red Sox Nation. Almond is, as they say in Yiddish, a tummler.
Almond on personal grooming: “Why, exactly, did I feel it would be ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’ to have my girlfriend wax my chest? I can offer no good answer to this question today. I could offer no good answer at the time.”
On sports: “To be a fan is to live in a condition of willed helplessness. We are (for the most part) men who sit around and watch other men run and leap and sweat and grapple each other. It is a deeply homoerotic pattern of conduct, often interracial in nature, and essentially humiliating.”
On popular culture: “I have never actually owned a TV, a fact I mention whenever possible, in the hopes that it will make me seem noble and possibly lead to oral sex.”
On his literary hero, Kurt Vonnegut: “His books perform the greatest feat of alchemy known to man: the conversion of grief into laughter by means of courageous imagination.”
On religion: “Every year, when Chanukah season rolled around, my brothers and I would make the suburban pilgrimage to the home of our grandparents, where we would ring in the holiday with a big, juicy Chanukah ham.”
The essays in (Not that You Asked) will make you laugh out loud, or, maybe just as likely, hurl the book across the room. Either way, you’ll find Steve Almond savagely entertaining. Not that you asked.
“A pop-culture-saturated intellectual, a kindly grouch, vitriolic Boston Red Sox hater, neurotic new father and Kurt Vonnegut fanatic… [Almond] scores big in every chapter of this must-have collection. Biting humor, honesty, smarts and heart: Vonnegut himself would have been proud.”
—— Kirkus Reviews (starred review)

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    • Publisher's Weekly

      July 16, 2007
      This collection of essays on everything from Oprah’s Book Club to the joy of being a new father displays all the qualities that have made Almond’s short stories (The Evil B.B. Chow
      ) and nonfiction (Candyfreak
      ) entertaining. The wicked humor of “Dear Oprah” features an in-your-face attack on “the Savior of Publishing” and her book club, followed by equally obsequious apologies, including a “gift of trust” to her of his baby daughter. A section titled “About My Sexual Failure (Not That You Asked)” offers brutally honest dissections of his sexual obsessions as well as those of past girlfriends, including chest waxing, fake breasts and masturbating in the family pool. “Demagogue Days” is a hilarious look at Almond’s experience with Fox News that displays an abiding disgust at current arbiters of cultural and political life in America as well as an enduring empathy for the underdog. But best of all is a beautiful and angry essay on “The Failed Prophecy of Kurt Vonnegut (and How It Saved My Life),” a look at Vonnegut’s career-long concern over “whether mankind would survive its own despicable conduct” that serves as a summation of Almond’s personal and literary ethos.

    • Library Journal

      October 1, 2007
      A digressive series of hysterical letters to Oprah Winfrey sets the familiar yet frenzied tone of this essay collection. Through autobiographical anecdotes, "New York Times" best-selling author Almond takes us on a coast-to-coast tour of American pop culture. His talent for writing short stories (e.g., "My Life in Heavy Metal"; "The Evil B.B. Chow") is fueled by an obsessive-compulsive passion for truth (e.g., "Candyfreak: A Journey Through the Chocolate Underbelly of America"). Whether describing the backlash of a politically motivated open letter of resignation from Boston College (published in the "Boston Globe") or analyzing the life of an Internet blogger in a somewhat Freudian fashion (an essay first published on Salon.com), he exposes the absurd realities of modern society. High levels of uncensored wit and wisdome.g., an in-depth comparison of Republican politics to Dante's "Inferno"will incite riotous laughter in some while tempting to incite real riots among the politically conservative. Almond is leading a life as interesting and entertaining to read about as are the lives of fellow pop-lit contemporaries Dave Eggers and David Sedaris. Highly recommended for public and academic libraries. [See Prepub Alert, "LJ" 5/1/07.]David L. Reynolds, Cleveland P.L.

      Copyright 2007 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

    • Booklist

      September 15, 2007
      Almonds latest irrepressible offering (after Candyfreak, 2004) is a collection of essays ranging from the deeply personal to the perverse. Here readers learn of Almonds aversion to fake breasts, his morbid fear of lobsters, and his envy of his twin brother, who is far more endowed than he. Almond makes no secret of regrettable life experiences, from stealing Sta-Hard Gel from the pharmacy to participating in VH-1s venomous reality-TV show, Totally Obsessed. Among the memorable entries are a series of sardonic swipes at Oprah and her book club, a paean to the prolific and crankily optimistic novelist Kurt Vonnegut, and a love letter to the Oakland As, whose long losing streaks Almond blames solely on the Boston Red Sox. While the laughs here are many, there are also anger-suffused rants; Almonds railings against the current administration and the endless war in Iraq reveal the writer at his passionate best. In the end, Almonds critiques of politics and culture fare far better than his episodes of self-flagellation, which can grow tiresome.(Reprinted with permission of Booklist, copyright 2007, American Library Association.)

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